I wrote a few versions of this post, none of which seemed quite right because they sugarcoated things. To be brutally honest, right now I am just really sad.
To recap: we moved to the San Francisco Bay Area over five years ago and in that time, we managed to create an amazing life. We paid off all of our debt, we bought a house, we had good friends, and we could go to the beach whenever we wanted to.
Then, a few weeks ago, everything changed. My husband got a "great job opportunity" (read: the kiss of death for the unsuspecting spouse) that could pay off financially in a few years. At this point,
though, I’m not sure that was a good enough reason to pull up stakes. Now we’re in L.A. and I don’t entirely understand why.
So right now I’m not feeling particularly creative. Who was it that said good writers are all depressed alcoholics? I can’t write shit when I’m feeling depressed. Anyway, here are my thoughts on sadness, in no particular order:
- Since we moved to the West Coast, I’ve drifted further and further from my family. Sometimes I feel like I’m not even a part of my family anymore. It hurts.
- I wake up thinking about how much I love my husband but also how much I hate his career.
- I feel guilty that we’re living in another apartment and that the dogs don’t have a yard to run around in anymore.
- I miss our hometown (the one we left almost six years ago). When we left, I was pretty unhappy because of my career troubles, but we had good friends and I saw my family much more often than I see them now.
- I miss my job. For once, I was happy to go to work in the mornings because I loved the people so much. I still have the same job, technically, but I work remotely so I don’t see my coworkers anymore.
- I miss our home. We had been fixing it up before we moved and we had planned on starting a family. Now I’m not sure what’s going to happen.
- I miss my friends.
- I wish money didn’t matter as much as it does.
- I feel like I have no home.
- I feel lost.
I hope everyone reading this is enjoying more stability than I am right now. If not, how are you getting through it?
Harried and Hopeless